Thoughts from Jacob's Brother

One Bible story which always connected with my was the story of Jacob and Esau found in Genesis Chapter 25.

Basically in this story two brothers were born twins but Esau by literally a hair was born first. As the boys grew up they had a bit of sibling rivalry, which eventually lead to Jacob tricking Esau out of his blessing and his birthright. Esau was angry and wanted to kill Jacob, but Jacob fled and eventually was tricked into marrying another girl instead of the one his uncle had promised.

(please note this was cultural not intended sexism, kind of like how in American culture we usually date a girl for a few years before deciding to get married. Jacob didn't own her like cattle, he was simply spending the 7 years working for her uncle to know her, her lifestyle, her family, and her culture.) 

God met Jacob in the wilderness through a dream, where he had to wrestle with an angel. He fought with God all night long but when the sun came up, Jacob wounded and limping came out victorious. 

Later Jacob had heard his brother was on the move along with an army of 400 trained warriors. Jacob's initial reaction was to run but 

God told him to meet his brother. When they met his brother embraced him and welcomed him and was glad he had returned home. He explained the 400 warriors were there for Jacob and Esau's protection. 

And basically it was a happily ever after for the family unit.

Sometimes it's easy to picture yourself as Jacob, the lost prodigal who tricked and sneaked his way to the front but through all of it still was the chosen and blessed son, however often in my life I feel like Esau, Jacob's brother. 

In world of psychology there is a little thing called psychoanalysis. This means your unconscious thought processes determine key characteristics into your personal/biological development. Things you can't control are the things that control you and who you become. 

Being raised in a strong Christian home where my dad was a pastor, my mom was the closest thing on earth to a saint, and my brothers and sister were expected to be tangibly perfect, lets just say I was a shrub in a Redwood forest. 

If I was laying in a therapists office, I'd say things like "It all comes back to my childhood" and "I never got enough attention" but I don't think being raised in a "bad" home was the problem, my home was unusually good, I think it was the expectation to be perfect. 

I felt like I had to do a certain amount of tasks, or like in Spider-man 2, when he wanted to quit, the world needed him and would crash in a wreck without him. 

I observed how my brothers were given all kinds of gifts and special qualities. I felt like I couldn't ever measure up to what my dad, my family, my community, my church, wanted of me.  

I felt like Esau, Jacob's brother...

Like that's all I am, the brother of the chosen one, or like Pippin the Lord of the Rings series who's only purpose was to offer some comic relief and help Frodo get to Mordor. At times, the shadow my dad, brothers, church, and community left on me seams impossible to grow out of.

Here's where the story gets good...

Even though I feel like Esau's brother at times, the reality is God loved Esau. I know what all the fundamentalists are thinking "What?! God doesn't love Esau, God hated Esau, it says so in the Bible" 

 I don't think God hated Esau the person. I think God hated Esau the ideal. Those who walk in the ways of Esau, those who would trade God's way for them for a bowl of soup, those who lived years in bitterness and hatred, those who indulge themselves in lust, the ways of Esau I have hated. 

God loved Esau the person. Just because Jacob was blessed didn't mean Esau was cursed. God blessed Esau with plentiful wealth, God softened the heart of Esau and somewhere in there I believe Esau wrestled with that same angel because in the end he loved his brother and welcomed him home. 

All this to say, sometimes I feel like Esau, without a blessing without a birthright, my only significant is in the name of my brother, but when I'm walking with the Lord, as long as my heart humbly is in his presence. I can live in the blessing. The ways of Esau were bad, the ways of Jacob were good, but the way of the Lord Jesus Christ is best. And I chose to walk in the ways of the Lord.

-Wesley Wilson